We are swiftly moving through September, and the leaves are majestically painting themselves with warm hues, warranting cable-knit sweaters, and comforting lattes. But, as nature would have it, another type of transformation is taking place this fall: our own.
In the last month, I’ve witnessed best friends move away; others move in across the street, new jobs, new ideas, and, most importantly, a release of toxic energy in the lives of many loved ones. I can’t help but think there is a cosmic force encouraging universal change right now because I have yet to meet one person who isn’t undergoing it.
After getting let go from my job in July (in a relatively positive way), I began reading more books about “knowingness” to develop comfort with a lack thereof. The author of one of these books, thought leader Eckhart Tolle, encourages readers to recognize that even seemingly negative experiences lead us to spiritual freedom and personal development if we let them.
Like many other young adults, I thought I knew what I wanted when I left for college at age 18. And fortunately, I’ve ended up somewhere along the intended path. I took many detours along the way, though. The cause may be insecurity, fear, or an inability to cope with reality. Regardless of how you define it, I walked off the side of a cliff and found myself in a pile of “I don’t know.”
The “I don’t know” pile is a frightening place to land. It is dark and void of everything you thought you understood about the world (also known as your social constructs). You are alone, with nothing but silence, haunting memories, and a crummy piece of chalk. (No, you don’t get fun neon markers in this pile of darkness.) And naturally, the question follows: “What do I do now?”
So, you stand up and draw one mark on the black walls of your nothingness pile -either out of sadness, anger, confusion, or frustration -you had to do SOMETHING. And even though this mark seems meaningless in your bewildered state, drawing feels good.
The questions continue, the sketching continues, and finally, you’re on to something. Then, the bigger questions hit you. “Does this mean I can draw, plan for, and have whatever I want? What do I want, anyhow?”
Your logical mind says it has no idea what you want, and that is how you ended up here, but your intuition whispers, “I do know.” With the guidance of your intuition, you get excited and continue drawing until the engulfing heap of “I don’t know” turns into a beautiful mural that maps out your journey.
Ah, there it is – your view, your world, your happiness. You can finally see that path forward. At least, this is how I interpreted the process.
About a month ago, I was unemployed, mildly depressed, and vacationing on a Greek island with a man I thought I loved (and found out the hard way that I don’t). I was lost.
And now, one month later, I found myself here: a place where I can write again, have a voice again, and believe in my ability to contribute to society. I am working for two people I consider heroes, I am happy, and that all-consuming “man” I dated only drifts by in soft memories. I watch, I smile, I breathe.
It took me a few losses to find balance again: work, friends, a lover, but the gains were something else. If you don’t know who you are or what you want, get comfortable in the darkness, pick up the chalk, and draw until you find your truth. Oh, and don’t forget to Winc. 😉
wincmagazine.com 